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They
say that a parish priest, whenever he was criticised, used to write the
name of the monk on a sheet of paper and to put it in the drawer. In
this way he could remember that he had to return with an act of courtesy
the non benevolent judgement.
They narrate also that a
beggar one day met the king sitting on a golden coach. He wondered and
was surprised to see the king looking at him and stretching his hand
asking the alms. The beggar, in wonder, searched his packsaddle and drew
a grain of rise out of it, the tiniest he had succeeded to find. In the
evening, when he emptied his packsaddle, he found the little grain of
rice transformed into a golden nugget. He regretted: if he had donated
all the rice he had, he would have become rich.
The
community, a house of forgiveness
Forgiveness is a human
gesture that becomes divine action. By forgiving, we imitate the mercy
of the Father. In every community, it is indispensable to have the
courage of returning every act of injustice with forgiveness, forgiving
with generosity, not with parsimony. Forgiveness is the action that
corresponds to our vocation as consecrated, more than anything else.
Rightly the apostle Paul warned the Ephesians, “I exhort you to lead a
life worthy of the vocation to which you were called, with all humility
and gentleness, and in patience, support each other in love. Take every
care to preserve the unity pf the Spirit by the peace that binds you
together. There is one body, one Spirit, just as one hope is the goal of
your calling by God”. (Ephesians, 4, 1-4).
Forgiveness is an
attitude, which is an exclusive fruit of charity. There is no
forgiveness without love. Christian forgiveness is totally free and is
able to forgive also what is humanly unforgivable.
Diana Seggio was 28 when
she saw his dear ones dying, killed by a transversal vengeance in
Palermo. In the church of St. Theresa, on July 28, 1991, before the
coffin of her husband, Joseph, and that of her child Andrew, 4 years
old, she recited this brief prayer, “I cannot hate the assassins, I have
never hated anyone. My heart bleeds and seeks peace, but peace can be
found only with forgiveness”. On May 25, 1992, Rosaria Schifani, widow
of an escort agent of John Falcone, during the funerals addressed the
assassins of her husband saying, “I forgive you, but kneel down”.
Forgiveness is above
right and justice. It is the key of family reconciliation, but also of
civil pacification. Without forgiveness, walls of division are created,
which last longer and are more difficult to be knocked down than the
walls of Berlin. Even the politicians speak of forgiveness and
reconciliation today. 1
Our
daily offences
Offences are our daily
food like the bread. We receive and give them. Often they are the
consequence of a bad character. Sometimes anger causes us to say things
against our neighbours, things that we would never say with a cold mind
and which do not correspond to the truth.
The result of anger is a
devastation of souls. It is like a field of wheat after the hail or like
a village after a hurricane that has knocked down trees, uprooted
plants, made the river rough and left debris all over. It is a
desolation for us and for others. One feels defeated, humiliated and
sad.
The true wood-worm of
our human communities is not so much the hurricane-worm as the dew-worm,
the one that is not recognised at first sight. It is the daily offence,
created by him who presumes to be always right and of wanting to justify
unfair behaviours of hostility, of irony and disesteem. These behaviours
often become part of distorted personalities, who finish by holding
right and coherent the act of being pitiless towards the neighbours,
highlighting only the faults, the defects and negligence of others.
Thus, a monstrous personality is created that considers forgiveness as a
weakness and mercy as an injustice., “I forgive everything, but I cannot
forgive this…it would be an injustice”.
Once this point is
reached, the erroneous conscience is no longer capable of eliminating
toxic substances, which have polluted our soul up to make it seriously
ill. When the kidney does not function, the blood can no longer be
purified and the organism risks serious diseases. The same thing can be
said of our soul. When the filter of forgiveness is missing, which
eliminates resentment from the heart, the grudge grows insensitively up
to becoming anger, aversion and rejection of the neighbours.
Consequently, words and actions will be dictated not by charity and by
Christian mercy, but by despise and injury.
The received offence
kindles a little fire in the soul. If we are able to forgive soon, this
fire extinguishes, otherwise the grudge adds fuel to the fire, which
becomes a big fire difficult to be extinguished.; “Principiis obsta”. If
we do not reconcile soon, life becomes hell. Te important thing is not
to make sure who started the offence, but to find the one who takes the
first step towards reconciliation.
Every
day is “dies traditionis”
Every day can be a Holy
Thursday, namely a day of forgiveness or a day of betrayal. Holy
Thursday hosts these two contrasting facts. On one side the
manifestation of Jesus’ love who, by handing himself over to death,
forgives and redeems (John 13, 15), on the other side the betrayal of
Jude, who hands Jesus over to the enemies. Who betrays Jesus? Not a
stranger, but a disciple, rather one of his friends., “Jesus said to
him, ‘Friend, you are here for this!’ “ (Matthew 26, 50).
Every time we humiliate
others, we accuse them unjustly or we calumny our neighbours, we betray
the Lord who, however, answers with his forgiveness, “Father, forgive
them because they know not what they do” Luke 23, 34).
In the daily battle with
our human relations, he who wins is the one who loses, “In war –St. John
Chromosome states- they consider the one who falls to be the winner. We
do not win when we behave badly, but when we bear with patience the evil
done against us”
Forgiveness has two
qualities: it is according to truth and according to justice. To forgive
does not mean to approve the injustices and false behaviours. To forgive
means to grace because of love. “I forgive you” is a declaration of
innocence comparable -mutatis mutandis- to the sacramental
absolution. It is a solemn gesture of mercy that leads us close to God
the Father, according to the exhortation of Jesus: “Be merciful, as
merciful is your Father” (Luke 6, 36). St. Peter, who had experienced
the superabundant forgiveness of the Lord, exhorts us, “You should
always agree among yourselves and be sympathetic; love the brothers,
have compassion and be self-effacing. Never repay one wrong with
another, or one abusive word with another; instead, repay with a
blessing. That is what you are called to do, so that you inherit a
blessing” (1 Peter, 8-9).
Forgiveness, as love of enemies
Forgiveness makes us to
get into the habit of loving those who are not our friends. This is the
great Christian commandment, the love of enemies. The great Christian
scandal is the lack of this love. Some look, for us, incorrigible; for
God, instead, they are children to be loved and forgiven. For us there
is no more remedy; for God there is the waiting for the return and
forgiveness. This happens because, often, we have stereotyped images of
our neighbours. For Bernard Shaw, the only intelligent man was his
tailor, because he took the measurements of his body every time he went
to him.
We should, instead,
imitate the behaviour of the doctors who bear, with understanding and
patience, the intemperance of the patients, “A mild answer turns away
wrath, sharp words stir up anger” (1 Proverb, 15, 1); “If your enemy is
hungry, give him something to eat; if thirsty something to drink; By
this you will be heaping red-hot coals on his head” (Romans 12, 20). The
only vengeance allowed to Christians is to accumulate repentance of
conscience in the neighbours with our free and immediate forgiveness.
“Gutta cavat lapidem”: the daily drop of forgiveness perforates the
stone-heart of the sinner.
This does not mean that
we accept or justify violence and error. A merciful attitude means
strength and courage: not to harm a brother is much better than the joy
of revenge.
A king had promised to
give his kingdom to the son who would have accomplished the most heroic
enterprise; the first one killed an enormous dragon with his spear; the
second defeated ten men in duel; the third one found his worst enemy
sleeping in the woods and left him to sleep. The king gave his kingdom
to the son who had not taken revenge, “Bless those who curse you, pray
for those who treat you badly”.
When Michelangelo looked
at a block of marble, he saw only the beautiful statue that the block
could become. Similarly when we look at a person who does not love us
and who harms us, we need to get into the habit of seeing in him the
saint that he can become through his conversion. The forgiveness and
love of our enemy are justified uniquely by the law of free donation,
namely of divine grace. A holy master of spirit would say, “We must not
forgive so that the other may change with our forgiveness. This is a
human calculation, which has nothing to do with the nature of free love.
We forgive only to follow the footsteps of Jesus Christ”.
Words of
death
How are the situations
of conflict created? With the tongue, by speaking in a disorderly way,
with unfounded criticism. “Serpent” (Psalm 140, 4), “Razor-sharp” (52,
1), “sharp sword (57, 4). “Scourge” (Sir. 28, 17): these are some
attributes that Scripture sometimes gives to the malevolent tongue of
man”.
The wisdom books exhort
us often to control the tongue, “Both honour and disgrace come from
talking, the tongue is its owner downfall” (5, 13): “Do not get a name
for scandal-mongering, do not set traps with your tongue; for as shame
lies in store for the thief, so harsh condemnation awaits the deceitful”
( Sir. 5, 14); “Better a slip on the pavement than a slip of the tongue;
this is how ruin takes the wicked by surprise” 20, 18); “There are three
things that I dread and a fourth which terrifies me: slander by the
whole town, the gathering of a mob and a false accusation – these are
all worse than death; but a woman jealous of a woman means heartbreak
and sorrow, and all this is the scourge of the tongue” (Sir. 26. 5-6);
“That third tongue has shattered the peace of many and driven them from
nation to nation; it has pulled down fortified cities, and overthrown
the houses of the great”(Sir 28, 14).
The wise men of Israel
are insistent in educating the youths to watch their tongue, so as to
create harmony and peace, rather than division and conflicts, “A stroke
of the whip raises the weal, but a stroke of the tongue breaks bones”
(Sir 28,17); “Many have fallen by the edge of the sword, but many more
have fallen by the tongue” (Sir 28,18); “The tortuous of heart finds no
happiness, the perverse of speech falls into misery (Pr 17,20); “Watch
kept over mouth and tongue keeps the watcher safe from disaster” (Pr
21,23); “Beware of uttering frivolous complaints, restrain your tongue
from finding fault; even what is said in secret has repercussions, and a
lying mouth deals death to the souls” (Sap 1,11).
A bad smelling mouth
says that the stomach is sick. A malefic tongue is born from an infirm
heart.
Words of
life
However, there is also
the tongue that praises the Lord, that encourages and edifies, “In
reward the Lord has given me a tongue with which I shall sing his
praises” (Sir 51,22); “The mouth of the upright utters wisdom, the
tongue that deceives will be cut off” (Pr 10,31); “Thoughtless words can
wound like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Pr
12,18); “The tongue of the wise makes knowledge welcome, the mouth of a
fool spews folly” (Pr 15,2); “The tongue that soothes is a tree of life;
the perverse tongue, a breaker of heart” (Pr 15,4); “Lord, to whom shall
we go? You have the message of eternal life” (John: 6,68).
The remedy for a bad
talking is silence or praise. To be healed of the disease of murmuring
we need to take the medicine of silence, “Everyone should be quick to
listen, but slow to speak” (James: 1,19). We should have the same
difficulty in opening the mouth as that which we have in opening the
purse to pay for something. An empty amphora resounds more…And an empty
head speaks more. Spreading false and malevolent news is, for someone, a
second vocation. They do not follow the warning of Ben Sira (Ecclesiasticus)
that says, “Have you heard something? Courage! It will not burst you.
Let it die with you”. (Sir 19,10).
Often critical messages
put on psychological clothes; this fellow is hypochondriac; that one is
narcissist; X is selfish and Y a careerist and the other one has a long
tongue. The source of all this is one’s own internal dissatisfaction.
They exchange dissatisfaction, jealousy, resentment, meanness and
bitterness for a critical spirit and objective reasoning.
We need to heal our eyes
with the eye-drops of wisdom and joy, “I warn you, buy from me….the
ointment to put on your eyes to enable you to see” (Ap 3,18). Just as
the light cannot see darkness because it illumines everything with its
lighe, similarly a good heart cannot see evil, but only good things,
with which it nurtures itself and which it diffuses. If one person
criticises, his soul is more darkness than light. They are persons who
do not speak of but against somebody. The object of their conversation
is backbiting. Every brother becomes object of suspicion and negative
judgements. They speak badly of such and such persons with you and with
them they speak badly of you. The judgement of St. Paul is very severe.
This is his recommendation to Timothy, “This is what you are to teach
and urge, ‘Anyone who teaches anything different and does not keep to
the sound teaching which is that of our Lord Jesus Christ, the doctrine
which is accordance to true religion is proud and has no understanding,
but rather a weakness for questioning everything and arguing about
words. All that can come of this is jealousy, contention, abuse and evil
mistrust; and unending disputes by people who are depraved in mind and
deprived of truth, and imagine that religion is a way of making a
profit” (1 Timothy: 6,3-5). “Avoid these foolish and undisciplined
speculations, understanding that they only give rise to quarrels; and a
servant of the Lord must not engage in quarrels, but must be kind to
everyone” (2 Timothy 2,23-24).
Correction as an expression of love
Does this mean that we
must not corect the brothers who make mistakes? Should forgiveness
overlook error and sin? Isn’t there correction besides forgiveness? How
to do it? The criteria is given by the exhortation of the Lord to the
Bishop of Laodicea, “I reprove and train those whom I love, so repent in
real earnest” (Ap 3,19). Correction is a fruit of love just as
forgiveness is. This indication is amply illustrated in the letter to
the Hebrews, in a rarely meditated page. Correction arises from a
fatherly heart that wants the good of the children, “My son, do not
scorn correction from the Lord, do not resent his training, for the Lord
trains those he loves and chastises every son he accepts. Perseverance
is part of your training; God is treating you as his sons. Has there
ever been any son whose father did not train him? If you were not
getting thistraining, as all of you are, then you would not be sons but
bastards. Besides, we have all had but human fathers who punished us,
and we respected them for it; all the more readily ought we to submit to
the Father of spirits, and so earn life. Our human fathers were training
us for a short life and according to their own lights; but he does it
all for our own good, so that we may share his own holiness. Of course,
any discipline is at the time a matter for grief, not joy; but later for
those who have undergone it, it bears fruit in peace and uprightness. So
steady all weary hands and trembling knees and make your crooked paths
straight; then the injured limb will not be maimed, it will get better
instead” (Hebrews: 12,6-13).
In the Gospel of
Matthew, we find a sermon concerning community life (Chapter 18) and in
particular the interest for the lost sheep and for the brother who makes
a mistake, “ If your brother does something wrong, go and have it out
with him alone, between your two selves. If he listens to you, you have
won back your brother. If he does not listen, take one or two others
along with you: whatever the misdemeanour, the evidence of two or three
witnesses is required to sustain the charge, but if he refuses to listen
to these, report it to the community; and if he refuses to listen to the
community, treat him like a gentile or a tax collector” (Mt 18,15-17).
The warning must flow
from love, never from other motivations, such as jealousy, vengeance,
resentment. The motive must always be exclusively the good of
neighbours, not the liberation from a fastidious person or a disturbing
conduct. In the Capitolinean museums of Rome there is a statue
representing the “Spinario”, a boy tying to remove a thorn from his foot
and driving it into the flesh of others.
Who
corrects and when?
Before correcting
anyone, we must first of all verify the reality of facts, “ Do not find
fault before making thorough enquiry” (Sir 11,7); “Do not believe all
you hear” (Sir 19,15). Who must correct? Always the Superior? In a
community all agree to the fact that X must be corrected and that the
one who has more probability of succeeding should do it. If it is the
matter of a public fault –a bad example known to everyone- he who has
more authority or is more trusted by the given person should do it with
kindness and charity. Many persons can give injections, but we usually
prefer the nurses who do not make us feel the prickle of the needle. The
correction is always painful and humiliating, thus it must be done with
an attitude of charity, esteem and affection. A single person should
correct and only of serious things, which harm the community (See:
Matthew 18, 15-17).
It should never be made
under the emotion of anger or resentment. It requires serenity, calm and
prayer. Prayer will give also the strength to undergo eventual negative
reactions. We must be ready also to the event of not being understood
and must give enough time for the correction to be digested. We are
never supposed to correct when we know that our neighbour is in a
situation of rage or resentment, of depression or discouragement.
How to
correct?
With open heart: “A wink
of the eye brings trouble, a bold rebuke brings peace” (Pr 10,10). We
must speak with simplicity and clarity: we must listen to the eventual
justifications, giving to the brother the opportunity of judging his
conduct by himself, leading him to admit it or to realise that his deed
has been interpreted badly.
In any case, “do not
revile a repentant sinner, remember that we all are guilty” (Sir 8,5).
Correction is to be made with sweetness and humility, “Brothers, even if
one of you is caught doing something wrong, those of you who are
spiritual should set that person right in a spirit of gentleness; and
watch yourselves that you are not put to the test in the same way. (Gal
6,1). He who corrects must not behave like a perfect person or a master
who corrects naughty children, but with humility and the awareness of
his own situation of weakness and sin.
The superior, above all,
must not stop at trifles: he must not be too fussy correcting every
tiny thing, but must observe the golden rule, “omnia videre, multa
dissimulare, pauca corrigere” (to see everything, to dissimulate a lot,
to correct just a little). If we intervene continuously we finish by
becoming unbearable and useless, losing authority. Moreover, we are not
to correct nervous tics or physical defects, since these things cannot
be eliminated, despite our good will. If one has a not graceful voice
and sings too loudly, we can only invite him/her to moderate the tone,
nothing more than this.
How to
receive corrections?
“He who refuses
corrections despises himself” (Pr. 15, 32). She who wears a dirty veil
will thank the sister who tells it to her discreetly. Correction is to
be received as an opportune invitation to improve our personal, social
and spiritual image. In receiving a correction we should avoid to act as
when we enter jewellery in which we want to find only perfect pearls,
discarding all the others; in other words, we must not think that we are
valueless if we are not perfect. In receiving a correction we must have
a detached attitude. We must imitate the artist who appreciates an
object even if it misses something. The Venere di Milo, which is
in Louvre, is a perfect sculpture: yet it is without arms.
Therefore, a correction
is to be received in the awareness that our person is a masterpiece and
remains such even if we have some defects or we have committed any
fault. Correction does not tend to diminish our personality. The truth
matures and frees us. Correction forms us to wisdom. Only the foolish
does not accept any correction, because he considers it as the beginning
of the end. Correction makes us better, it makes us to progress to
perfection. This is why we should love those who correct us, “Do not
rebuke the mocker, he will hate you. Rebuke the wise and he will love
you for it (Pr 9,8).
This is why we must
appreciate the service of correction made by the superiors. “Nourish a
high esteem of those who work among you, who preside in the Lord and
warn you. Honour them for their work (1 Ts 5,1). If we do not welcome
correction gratefully, nobody will any longer care for us. We shall
live in isolation and feel neglected.
The
dynamics of fraternal correction
The spiritual master
suggests some attitudes before correction:
1.
listen to the correction without interrupting; we must understand what
the correction is about before giving the eventual answers;
2.
If you do
not agree to what has been said, ask explanations: it is
important to ascertain the truth of the facts more than the names of
persons;
3.
as a
principle, accept the critics, in the awareness that there is in us
always something to correct, which is not always known to us, but is
well visible for our neighbours;
4.
be calm and
do not react negatively: even if the mentioned facts result to be false,
be kind also with the person who corrects you because of envy and
superficiality and not because of love;
5.
take time
before answering: be sure of facts, pray and then answer with serenity:
your tranquillity will make the other sure of your perfectly good faith
and honesty;
6.
thank the person who corrects you for the revealed love; he/she has had
the courage of speaking to you openly, rather than back-biting;
7.
do not scold
the person who corrects you even unjustly: thank him/her whether he/she
is right or wrong. This is how we can grow to perfection and we can
edify our neighbours with our good example.
Correction: a law of spiritual life
We should meditate these
Biblical “mantra” regarding correction. They are very numerous,
especially in the wisdom books. In the book of Proverbs, for instance,
we find the following sayings, “Whoever abides by discipline, walks
towards life; whoever ignores correction goes astray” (Pr 10,17).
“Whoever loves discipline, loves knowledge, stupid are those who hate
correction” (Pr 12,1). “ Only a fool spurns a father’s discipline,
whoever accepts correction is discreet” (Pr. 15, 5)“Correction is severe
for one who leaves the way; whoever hates being reprimanded will die”
(Pr 15,10). Whoever rejects correction lacks self-respect, whoever
accepts reproof grows in understanding” (Pr 15,32). “Listen to advice,
accept correction, to be wiser in the time to come” (Pr 19,20). “Folly
is anchored in the heart of a youth, the whip of instruction will rid
him of it (Pr 22,15). “Apply your heart to discipline, and your years to
instructive sayings” (Pr 23,12). “Correct your child and he will give
you peace of mind, he will delight your soul” (Pr 29,17). And the Ben
Sira wisely concludes, “Whoever fears the Lord will accept his
correction” (Sir 32,14).
The joy
of forgiveness
Forgiveness provokes joy
in him who gives it as well as in him who receives it: it is the joy of
conversion, the feast of the common return to the embrace of the Father.
As conclusion of the parable of the lost sheep and found again and of
the lost drachma which was found again, Jesus says “There will be more
rejoicing in heaven over one sinner repenting than over ninety-nine
upright people who have no need of repentance (Luke: 15, 7); “Thus I
tell you, there is rejoicing among the angels of God over one repentant
sinner” (Luke: 15,10).
Even the parable of the
prodigal son is concluded by the merciful father with the joy of the
feast, “Bring the calf we have been fattening and kill it: we will
celebrate by having a feast because this son of mine was dead and has
come back to life; he was lost and is found, and they began to
celebrate” Luke 15, 23-24). The elder son complained because of this
incomprehensible behaviour, but his father said to him, “It was only
right we should celebrate and rejoice, because your brother was dead and
has come to life, he was lost and is found” (Luke: 15,32).
Forgiveness is the true
feast of the community, for this reason it is a sacrament that our Lord
Jesus offered us at Easter (John 20, 22.23). The brother who forgives as
well as the brother who is forgiven are both under the sacramental
forgiveness of the Lord. The experience of God’s gift allows us to
forgive and to be forgiven.
How is it possible to
ask of being forgiven by God, if we do not grant forgiveness to our
neighbours? Do we not pray daily, saying “Forgive us our sins as we
forgive those who sin against us”?
1 M.
BOUCHARD-F. FERRARIO, On forgiveness. History of human clemency and
theological fragments, Bruno Mondadori, Milan 2008.
See also Fr. GRIECO, Quando
l’amore supera il diritto, in “Il Giornale”, 21st
February, 29
X Angelo Amato
Prefect of the Congregation for the causes of saints
Piazza Città
Leonina, 1 – 00193 Rome
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